***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
is it fun? or sober?
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
Randomize
