Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Randomize
