I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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