I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Randomize