she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Randomize
