Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Everyone says I win the strip club
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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