So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Randomize
