After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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