ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
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