i dont even know how to be here
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Randomize
