I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
