I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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