After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Randomize
