My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
