Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
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There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
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The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
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