I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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