I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
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