i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Randomize
