mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
I just blew my weed a kiss
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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