i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
