He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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