I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Randomize
