We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Randomize
