what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
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