wakey wakey hands off snakey
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Randomize
