you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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