Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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