please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Randomize
