I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
These 25 People Are Obsessed With Pizza
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
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..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet