you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.