girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
