highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Terrible idea I love it
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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