sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
my liver is dry heaving
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
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