I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
I am in a vortex of obligation.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
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