I met the friendliest cop last night
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
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