she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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