Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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