It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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