I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Randomize
