I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Randomize
