So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
They are going to name an STD after you.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
