Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Randomize
