two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Randomize
