Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Randomize
