I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
