I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
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