you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
You're breaking my sexual little heart
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
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