Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Randomize
