Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
