i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
The air was thick with penises
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Randomize
