He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
My vagina is very pro this idea
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