Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
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