Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
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