Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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