I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
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