i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
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