you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
I need a hoe opinion
go on
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
