glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
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