i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
So squirting runs in the family.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
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