I'm laying in your front yard are you home
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Also, beer. Big fan.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?