Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
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Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
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I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.