Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
