Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
